census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
