i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
