You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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