I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
