I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
