At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize