i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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