you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
