so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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