Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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