hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
