so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
