Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
