yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
