At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
