and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize