we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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