You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
