Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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