I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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