I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
