There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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