I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
