and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
