I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize