We got so high we made milksteak
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
