Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
