my soul wont recognize me after tonight
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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