The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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