You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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