got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
