I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
