im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
