It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
