12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
