Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
