I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This baby is an asshole
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
