I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You were trust falling into bushes
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
