He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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