Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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