Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
