Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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