Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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