Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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