my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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