apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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