i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
