She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize