ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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