Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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