Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
