I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
