i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
