3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize