there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
