just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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