if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I won the penis lottery.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
