so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
