I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
