I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
