I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
