so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
