If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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