i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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