Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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