i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
