I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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