i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
