At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is Oprah even human
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
