Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
