Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
