ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
