Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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