Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
