apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
