Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
