i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
