I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize