I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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