he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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