yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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