The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
