I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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