i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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