It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This couple is walking their pig around campus
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
