Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
there is glitter all over my balls
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