fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
