One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
