I wish I could teleport
wakey wakey hands off snakey
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize