New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
