I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
