My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
