you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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