At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
