I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
