Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize